I don’t think it’ll ever be the same…. the day before my grandmother passed away. Sometimes the day plays over in my head like a broken record. Sometimes I hope it skips the bad parts and plays through the good. I remember how long that car ride to the hospital was. I ran to the Emergency Room. Walking into a room full of people just staring at me. I walked over to the counter and asked for her room. She wasn’t given one just yet. It felt like the halls were endless, but some how made it to where she was. I never thought, but deep down I knew it’d be the last time I’d see her. She was covered in blood and vomit. I reached for her hand and she never grabbed back. The nurse explained what was going on, but honestly I understood none of it. Maybe it was the disbelief or maybe I just tuned him out, but nothing prepared me for what I saw. In the middle of the night, I sat in a room waiting to hear the good or the bad. I knew my father was on his way and I told the nurses not to allow him in until she was cleaned up. I made up my mind, that I and I alone would carry this burden. I think telling her good bye was the hardest. I knew, in my heart it’d be the last goodbye she’d ever hear from me. Apart of me wishes I would have called out of work that day, but the other part reassures me nothing would have changed the outcome. We didn’t have the best relationship and I take my responsibility in it. I could sit here and say I could have done this and should have done that… but that’s just not something I can go back and forth on. I never thought this would hurt like it does. But it does help me believe that things happen for a reason. Because honestly, I don’t think anyone else in my family could have handled that moment like I did. I don’t think anyone else could hold that memory without it destroying them. Maybe I’m stronger, maybe I’m more understanding or maybe I don’t know. I’m just glad someone could have been there for her. Her sons were there as she did pass and maybe that’s how it was meant to be, supposed to be. When Valentine’s Day rolls around next year, I won’t celebrate it like the rest. I won’t feel this need to show love in the false sense. I’ll show love in the real sense and express it. I won’t ever let there be a doubt again….